” Moving on wasn't too hard with a little help. “There's nothing to worry about, I'm still the same person. And I love you too. See? I don't hate the world and I'm not going all goth anytime soon. He's been dead for 4 months now. I'm over it.” After a moment of silence, an unsure 'okay' was her reply. Both girls knew she was lying. Ashley wasn't the same person. Everything wasn't okay and she couldn't move on, refused to accept her father's death, hated the sight of that fucking note she wouldn't allow herself to throw away. Hated the man sleeping with her Mother who she always hated. The world was horrible to her and she didn't want any part of it anymore.
But Spencer could never know that. She really did love the blonde and didn't want her to worry. If anything, she tried to be the same person around her, did everything to make it seem like everything was okay, but it was becoming painfully obvious she wasn't doing a good job. Spencer still worried about her, noticing the way she came to school completely hung over and always accepted the line, “I just didn't get much sleep' never thinking her friend would steal her mother's liquor and drink until holding the bottle to her lips became an impossible task.
“I wish you could have slept over tonight.”
“You're not tired of me yet?” She mocked astonished.
“I'll never get tired of you. And I know you feel the same way.”
Ashley stayed quiet a little too long and grinned when the little blonde opened her mouth again. “Ashley!”
“I feel the same way. Besides, you're the only one who puts up with me and my shit. Without you it'd just be me and....them.” Her smile was completely gone replaced with a disgusted scowl. One she wore often when the pair was around. “But Christine and the man she fucks won't stop me from sleeping over next time. Promise.” She added trying to sound normal, somewhat excited about sleeping over. Summer being a few days away. “I should let you get some sleep. It is a school night.” She added doing her best Paula impression, ending the phone call before the blonde voiced anymore concerns.
A soft chuckle was her friend's reply followed by a slightly hesitant 'Alright' “Goodnight, Ash. I love you.”
A soft smile shaped her lips. Ever since her father's death, the blonde has taken every opportunity to tell her that. “I love you too.” She replied always meaning every word. “Good night, Spenny.” She pulled the phone away from her ear and hit the end button, staring at the black cordless in her hand.
There was never any guilt, sometimes she wondered how throwing the phone aside and getting off the bed could be so easy. Opening the door, and walking down the dark hallway, careful not to wake Christine and the bastard sleeping in her father's bed, why could she always do it without feeling anything? There was a numbness blocking her conscious, something she was beginning to suspect didn't exist. At least not to her.
