6 months later

We have all pretty much settled ourselves here in L.A. now

Aiden’s parents and I sat Arin down and tried to explain to her the best way we can to an almost 4 year old how her daddy was gone to Heaven and so far both kids seem to be adjusting to the changes well enough.

Addison is still as cute as can be and to be honest he was always more of a mama’s boy and so young that I don’t think he will be too affected by what happened but Arin loved her Daddy so much that I want to make sure she understands that he still loves her no matter where he is.

I told her that anytime she wanted to go visit her daddy that we would

That first time she actually asked to go see him was the hardest

I still loved my husband no matter how bad he treated me in the end of our relationship

He was still my best friend

Arin had drawn a family portrait of all of us, even with her grandparents Marlin and Karen. We had it framed because she wanted to leave Aiden with something to put on his refrigerator in Heaven to remember us.

Smiling to myself I think about how the more often we went to visit Aiden the less painful it got and I even had moments where I would go and talk to him alone.

I asked him for advice

I told him about wanting to try having a relationship with women

I told him how much we missed him

But most of all I just sat and listened to him

He may be gone but he still lived in me

That reminds me of 'The Lion King'

Can't you just hear Mufasa saying, "he lives in you" and fading away into the clouds then laughing at Rafiki and his antics.

That monkey cracks me up

But back to what I was saying

I felt like I could still feel his heartbeat underneath me, moving the ground and guiding me to pick myself up and continue with my dreams and goals.

So after a while I finally listened to these movements and I started making moves to jumpstart my life here

I’ve got my business moved closer to LA where I could work functionally

I’ve got fresh ideas for my clothing line so I’m starting to believe that this move was just what I needed to get me out of my funk.

On top of having great moves in my career I have received many recommendations for childcare for Arin and Addison when I’m working and need the extra help.

I love my kids and this will be a good change from them being attached to my hip all day. They need to be around kids their own age and just be kids.

This place called, SMC’s Center of Los Angeles, apparently does it all. It’s like a school slash hospital slash day care.

It sounds interesting enough and after the tour of the place and a meet with the staff, I was more than happy to leave my angels in their care for a few hours a day. Everything you could imagine in childcare and special needs is provided for your family.

I spoke with some of the parents and even Arin made a friend in a cute little girl named Emma, a 4 year old with blonde hair and big green eyes.

They talked and giggled until we had to leave.

Addison was like he always is, just taking in his surroundings and smiling at any pretty woman he sees that even remotely looks his way.

That’s my boy

Such a ladies man

I can already tell he is going to give me grey hairs over little girls before my time comes

But I can’t blame him though, the Los Angeles atmosphere, and the ladies in small tight clothes brought me back to some of my curious feelings from the past.

I swear, if Aiden and I weren’t so in love no other man would have had my heart.

He always knew I had feelings for other women and we even attempted to let other women join us but it was always awkward. As much as I loved him I couldn’t share another woman with him for fear that he would be jealous or that I would get attached to her emotionally, nor would I want to see him with another woman.

Anyway

Today is the first day that Arin and Addison will be spending the afternoon at SMC. Mr. Dennison said he has a late workday so he will be hanging out with the kids until he has to go in and he will drop them off at the Center afterwards.

Making sure both of my babies had been packed and repacked I got dressed and got them out of their jammies and into play clothes for their morning with their grandpa.

The short drive was pretty calm. I put in a cd of our favorite songs and Arin hummed with me while Addi slept most of the way there. I’m telling you that boy sleeps any chance he gets to close his eyes for long enough.

We arrive in the front yard and the kids are already trying to scramble out of their seats when they see who is waiting on the porch for them.

“Gampa, Gampa” Arin says excitedly as Marlin picks her up and gives her a huge hug and kiss on the cheek.

“How’s my favorite grand baby girl doing this morning?” She gives him a large smile and tells him she’s ‘awesome.’ Arin scoots into the empty seat on the porch swing and rocks back and forth while I walk over with Addi who is already reaching for his ‘pop.’

As soon as he is in his arms he is grabbing at Marlin’s nose and glasses. That is until he is lifted in the air and lets out a shriek of joy as he is rewarded with a raspberry to his chubby tummy.

I love how much my kids adore their grandparents

I’m sure it makes them missing their son a little easier knowing that he left them two little ones to take care of and adore.

I watch them happily until I realize that I have to get going.

I give everyone a hearty hug and big mommy kisses and tell them I will pick them up later from the daycare after work today.

I will admit that leaving them almost all day for the first time was seeming to be a bit difficult but I think I can tough it out.

Only about 7 hours 58 minutes and 32 seconds left until I see them again

Still in one piece I hope

Day one of making my life...

Here goes nothing