“Hello?” I ask cautiously

“Hey babe what’s up?” ASHLEY!

“Ashley! Where have you been?” I yell

“Godfather marathon on T.V.” she explains, “what’s going on? Are you ok?”

I growl at her in exasperation. “No, I’m not ok. I need you to come pick me up.”

“Baby what’s wrong? Where are you? Are you hurt?” She sounds suddenly frantic.

“No, I’m not hurt, except maybe my dignity and sense of self-worth, but I’m sitting at the intersection of Melrose and Fairfax. Can you please hurry up?"

“Uh yah let me just fix my hair and change my clothes and put my makeup on and I’ll be right over.” She’s unbelievable sometimes.

“No. Ashley trust me, you need to come right now.”

“Fine, but when I’m stoned to death for committing ugly, you better feel guilty.” She hangs up. I lean my head back against the brick wall and wait. Fifteen minutes later I hear a car horn honking obnoxiously. I open my eyes and spot Ashley waving her arms at me from behind the steering wheel of her car. I jump up and start to walk towards her unthinkingly.

“Spencer what the hell are you wearing?” Ashley shouts.

Oh my God I forgot, too late now. I look around and spot pedestrians halted in their tracks staring at my starkly bare and road rash red butt cheeks. I try to cover my bareness with my hands and rush over to Ashley’s car door.

“Get out, I’m driving.” I yell at her and open the door forcefully. I need to get away from here fast.

She’s still ogling me with me with wide eyes so I grab her and drag her out of the car, taking her place in the driver’s seat. She stumbles as her feet hit the ground but jogs around the front of the car and gets in the passenger’s side. I don’t even wait for her to close the door before throwing my foot into the gas pedal.

“Spencer, maybe you should take it easy. Everything’s going to be ok.” She looks at me worriedly.