ASHLEY:

“Thirty bucks, dude. No joke.”

“Thirty bucks? That’s ridiculous.”

“I know, right? Yeah, when the lady rang me up I nearly committed a homicide…like a crazy, impromptu homicide. But the only weapon I had on me was a pack of Eclipse gum. Though, I gotta say, that packaging is pretty brutal. I’ve suffered many an unwelcome injury trying to pop out a minty quadrilateral.”

“No, no, no. You’re not understanding me, Ash. Thirty bucks for a dress is insane! You’re going to a gala for Christ’s sake!”

“What? So like, fifty…maybe sixty dollars, you think?”

“No, Ashley! People spend thousands of dollars on events like this.”

“Are you serious?”

“Very, very serious.”

“Oh my God. Dude, if I spend a thousand dollars on a stupid dress, I’m doing everything in it. I’m controlling air traffic in that dress. I’m wearing that shit to go play basketball. It’s going to be glued to my body when I die, man. I’m serious. What kind of dress is a thousand dollars?”

“How much did you pay for that gown you wore to the Emmy’s?”

“I bought it from a costume shop. So at any time I could’ve gone from Emmy-nominated teen queen to Disney’s Jasmine. So yeah, thirty-five bucks? And I pulled it out for Halloween that year. It was like the dress that kept on giving.”

“Wow.”

“Hell yeah, epic steal, right?”

“Something like that. Look, Ash, this seems like the kind of thing Spencer would take seriously. And you know what? You should too. Because if you don’t, she’s going to kill you.”

Man, Aiden was moody lately. Obviously the guy had finished the stack of books he borrowed from the library on assertiveness and leadership. Not everyone can handle a library card, people. Some people throw that shit around like it makes them God.

“No, it’s not even like that. Spencer is just as freaked out about going as I am. She told me so.”

“But she’ll have a killer dress. I guarantee you.”