Spencer and I have tried hanging out – getting back to normal as she calls it. I guess she forgot that normal us was well, us. She had some test in a few days and for some deranged reason, plans to study up until then. I told her she could study here. I was a little nervous though. My cravings for something white and powdery kept popping into my head, but I really wanted to see her so I ignored them. So far, everything had been fine. It was quite, but not too awkward… yet. She was on floor studying and I took the couch (just for the record, I offered it too her and she declined). My ipod was my only distraction from her… it sucked by the way… I kept tugging on the dark bronze – almost black – ring in my lip. I need a fix so damn bad…

By my side
You’ll never be

“Hey, Ashley, I think I’m gonna go soon. Chelsea invited me to a party.” I rose up on my arms and looked down at Spencer; she was texting.

“But you don’t like to party last I checked.” I tugged on the ring again.

“Yeah, well… I guess I should try and get use to it. You shouldn’t tug so hard on that; you’re gonna rip it out.”

By my side
You’ll never be

“Uh?” I said why scratching subconsciously at my arm. Shaking her head, Spencer continued.

“Never mind. I’m going cos I need to make some friends – my mom’s been on my case a lot, the only reason I got to come over was because I lied and said Kyla was helping me study.” Snorting I responded with, “I think it would be the other way around.”

“Anyways, Madison is getting pissed at me… maybe this will get me on her good side: if I act like ‘one of them’.” She tired to say dismissively, but I could hear a hit of sadness.

“So you’re ditching to hang out with the cheerbitches? They’re gonna turn you on me!” The anger was evident in my voice. I started raking my nails over my arm faster.

“Ash? What the heck? I’m just going to a party.” She said calmly.

“Damn it! You’re leaving me again and… and FUCK! My arm… it’s all over my fucking arm, Spencer…” I grew a little more desperate and began to plead, “Spencer, Spencer. Get them off my arm!! They hurt – FUCK!” I could feel tears threatening to spill.

Cause I’m fake at the seams
I’m lost in my dreams
And I
I want you to know that I can’t let you go
And you’re never coming home again
And you’re never coming home again

“Ashley? What’s wrong?”

“Gotta get them off… got to… got to get… off…” I searched around franticly. They were all over my skin! I could feel them crawling and biting. It hurt so badly… I shoved a clammy hand into the back pocket of my Vigoss jeans. I could feel the smooth metal run against my fingertips. Yes… Pulling the lighter out, my heartbeat started to calm down.

“What are you doing?… Ashley?”