Something catches my attention. I swear I heard a growling sound. Oh fuck, here comes Kujo!  The growling continues, so I slowly turn.  I sighed. Are you serious, this little thing was making all the noise?

“Aw aren’t you a cute little thing.” I start to bend down and all the sudden the next thing I know that little fucker is humping my pant leg.

“What the hell? You horny little bastard!” I try to kick him off, but I fail. So I do the only thing I can, I make a run for it. I check to see if he’s following. Nope I guess that little fuck can’t keep up. I stop running and bam, he’s on my leg again. Fuck me now!

“Ashley, Ashley, please get this thing off me.” I yell. This is unbelievable! I’m getting humped by a Chihuahua.

“What?” She yells.

“Get this little horny bastard off, please.” My voice was desperate. I’m glad she finds this funny because I always find it funny when a dog’s ejaculation is on me.

“Oh right, sorry I forgot to tell you.” She whistles

“Owen, get your ass over here.” The dog looks at her and then back at me. Is he seriously contemplating whether to listen?  

“Owen now!” She said sternly. The dog does one more double take before finally listening to her command. As soon as Ashley turns her back, I notice his head turn. Oh my god, did that dog wink at me? Holy fuck, I’m totally losing it now. He couldn’t, could he?

“Ashley,” My voice cracked, “Um, so how long until the food to arrive?”

“About twenty minutes, so in the mean time let’s watch movie or something.”

We make our way to the living room and she throws on Super Bad. So what’s it going be? I am Mclovin. You changed your name to Mclovin? Funny shit!

I squealed, “I love this movie.” I pause for a second. “So Ashley, guess what I saw earlier.”

“Beside my dog’s penis, what?” She gave me toothy grin. Ugh god I want to forget that shit.