P.S. I Love You

I was sitting at home still wallowing from Brooke leaving. Part of me wanted to win her back and make her marry me like she was supposed to. Spencer wasn’t really taking any of this well to say the least…but what am I supposed to do? Just go crawling back to the girl that broke my heart? People talk about it like it’s easy…but it’s really not.

“can you stop sitting in this house of depression and come out with me tonight?” Aiden asked

“nope” I told him folding my laundry on the kitchen counter

“I don’t understand why you’re staying in this house…and I also don’t understand why you haven’t talked to Spencer since Brooke left.” He told me

“Brooke’s supposed to come back Aiden…” I told him “…she’s supposed to come back”

“and you’re telling me that you wanted to marry Brooke and didn’t have any feelings for Spencer?” he asked

“no…I love Spencer, but I’m in love Brooke…I asked her to marry me Aiden, I could picture spending the rest of my life with her and if we walked down that aisle I would have said yes.” I told him flat out

“so you know you’re breaking Spencer’s heart?” he asked me

“I’m not breaking her heart…she’s fine…” I told him

“look…I know you’re looking for love Ashley, but this isn’t the way to find it, and sure love is supposed to be difficult, but when the one you love moves away…then maybe it’s not as real as you thought it was” he explained then my phone rang

“hello?” I asked answering it

“hi Ashley…” she replied

“Brooke hey…” I said nearly breathless “…how are you?”

“I’m good…how about you?” she asked

“uh better now…I was starting to think you weren’t going to call me back…” I explained

“yeah uh what are you doing now?”

“just sitting at my house with Aiden…” I told her

“look Ashley, I need to tell you something”

“okay…” I replied

“I’m dating someone…” she said and I was silent “…hello?”

“huh? no I’m still here…” I told her

“are you alright with that?” she asked me

“uh not really” I told her

“okay well…listen I have to go, I just thought I’d call…” she said

“yeah okay…bye” I said then I hung up and threw my phone against the wall

“woah what the fuck” Aiden replied standing up and moving away cause I threw it right by him

“she’s dating someone” I said pissed off “Brooke's actually seeing someone else”

“Ash…” he started

“this isn’t supposed to happen” I told him

“since when are you one for plans?” he asked then I glared at him

“she’s supposed to come back to me…” I said “…she’s supposed to come back”

“I understand what you want Ashley…but maybe it’s not what you need” he told me

That night I went to the bar, and got more drunk than ever. I fell asleep at the bar, until someone came up to me and then I woke up in my bed and I looked up to see Spencer “Spencer…” I mumbled

“Ashley…hey” she said turning around

“I hate you” I muttered

“what?” she asked eyes wide

“my life was perfect until you came back…I wish you never came back” I said then I fell asleep and woke up with Aiden right in my face

“morning sunshine!” he yelled

“ah! Fuck you” I said into my pillow

“come on, we’re going for a drive” he told me

“no…” I told him then he threw me a tshirt and some skinny jeans for me to throw on, then we left my apartment and drove “…why are we going?” I asked him

“because I’m your best friend and you need me right now”

“so…I have to ask…did you tell Spencer you hate her?” he asked me

“I…I don’t know…maybe…I was drunk though…” I said

“oh Ashley…” he said throwing his head back “…you’re breaking her heart”

“oh I’m not breaking her heart, you’re being dramatic”

“dramatic? The girl is in love with you…” he told me “…stop here” he said

“it’s a green light”

“just stop” he said

“okay…we’re sitting at a green light…” I said confused then he got out of my car

“just wait for it…” he told me

“wait for what? the lights green!” I told him pissed off

“just wait…” he said then a water balloon blew up on my car “…just like Spencer’s heart huh?” he asked then he got out “wait here, I’ll be right back” he said then he got out of my car and I parked it and then I went up to the roof

“all clear?” I asked him waving a white tshirt

“all clear…” he told me

“no Spencer?” I asked coming out of the doorway

“you need to apologize to her…” he told me

“you remember all the memories we had up here? The water balloon fights?” I asked him

“uh yeah and you saw my tattoo for the first time” he said

“yeah and then I got my tattoo the same night” I told him

“you know we’re not kids anymore Ashley…and it just…it kills me to see what you’re doing…” he told me

“Aiden…Brooke left…not me” I told him

“don’t give me that, I’m being honest with you and you need to be honest with yourself…” he told me “…look if it’s Brooke you’re in love with great, if it’s Spencer you’re in love with then great just stop hiding your heart” he said then he stood up and walked through the doorway back to the street

Later that day I was at home working on some stuff, then someone knocked on my door “come in…it’s open” then I looked back as it opened and Brooke walked in

“hey Ash…” she told me

“what are you doing here?” I asked her

“you look…hung over” she said

“yeah well…the girl I almost married started dating again and then things kind of went dark” I said laughing but she didn’t say anything “you look good”

“look we need to talk…and you weren’t answering your phone” she said and I just looked at her “…I got a job in New York” she told me

“what?” I asked her

“so I guess this is goodbye…” she said “…and goodbye is never good over the phone” she told me then she kissed my cheek and walked away

“Brooke…” I said “…do you ever miss me?”

“I have to go…” she said shutting my door behind her and then she left…for good this time and it killed me. I drank more than I had a few nights before. The drinking had all the answers I needed…none. When I woke up around three in the after noon the next day I went into my kitchen and Aiden was in there

“what are you doing here?” I asked him

“you look like shit” he told me passing me a cup of coffee

“thanks” I replied

“so what happened last night?”

“Brooke came over…” I told him “…to say goodbye”

“look Ashley…” he started “…I know from experience that whatever answers you’re looking for…you’re never going to find them like this, trust me. Now it sucks that she’s dating…but don’t make it worse this way…the darkness doesn’t have any answers Ash.” He told me then he got up “call me later, or maybe go talk to Spencer…she’s been a wreck” he said before walking out of my apartment

I sat there just wondering how much my life had been fucked up the past few months. Brooke didn’t miss me and that killed me inside, but now I didn’t even have Spencer. I opted on going over to Spencer’s work to talk to her and I walked in and she looked surprised to say the least

“okay…no…okay look I have to go” she said hanging up the phone

“I don’t hate you” I told her “I remember the first time I saw you…those blue eyes, the straight hair…it was hard letting you go Spencer…” I told her “…it was hard losing you, and it was hard seeing you again and it’s still really hard…” I admitted to her because she deserved to hear the truth finally

“when I sleep I have this dream that we’re back in that hotel room in LA after prom and you proposed to me…and every single time I say yes” she told me and it nearly broke my heart

“it’s just a dream right…” I told her

“it’s my dream” she told me and I got lost in those eyes as she didn’t take them off of me as she stood there in her skinny jeans with her designer tshirt and her cute little red converses. Then I nodded and turned around for the door but then I stopped

“hey…do you want to go out tonight?” I asked her and she looked up from a record

“yeah…I’d love that” she said then I smiled at her and she smiled back as if she needed my approval to do so. And she started to put some stuff away “are you coming?”

“well I have to finish my work…” she told me